A Love Letter to Those Who Are Single on Valentine’s Day
Have you ever felt the ache of wanting to share your time and energy with someone, knowing you could lean on family or friends, but realizing it’s not them you’re longing for? It’s a more specific, personal connection—someone who’s missing in your life currently, someone you truly want that wants you too.
Or have you ever scrolled through social media, seeing others surprise their partners with small, meaningful gestures, and felt a moment of emptiness? That longing for someone you can go all out for, someone who sees you the way you wish to be seen?
Maybe you've worked so hard on healing, loving yourself, and finding peace in being single. You feel proud of the life you've built, surrounded by people who care. Yet still, there's a part of you that aches for that one person who feels like they're truly yours.
I see you, and I want to remind you: you are not alone.
This isn’t one of those “just love yourself” or “cherish your friends” messages—though those are important, they don’t always address the reality of Valentine’s Day.
While this day can be beautiful for some, it can also magnify the pain of being single—those feelings of unfulfilled intimacy, heartbreak, and loneliness.
To explore these emotions, I asked around 50 people three simple questions. Their responses revealed common themes that speak to the challenges of being single, especially on Valentine’s Day. I want to share an analysis of their reflections, not just to acknowledge the struggle, but to remind you that you're not alone in feeling this way.
1. What’s the most challenging part of being single?
Many shared that dating is difficult and, often, exhausting. There's a deep longing for connection, for someone to hold you close, to share your life with. But over time, the pressure of being a certain age and still single begins to weigh heavily. The loneliness of not having someone to share everyday moments with can be overwhelming, leading to internal questioning about whether something is missing or if you're doing something wrong. It’s not just about being single, either; it’s about stepping outside your comfort zone to meet someone new. That can be intimidating. There’s also that nagging thought that being single means something’s wrong with you. The uncertainty and impatience are hard to ignore—when will things change? And when you see others enjoying what you crave, it can leave you feeling left out. Despite the self-care rhetoric that reminds you you're enough, there are times when it feels hollow. The struggle to resist reaching out when loneliness creeps in can be overwhelming. But through it all, the desire to love and be loved remains, especially when societal expectations seem to make you feel like you need to justify your singleness.
2. What do you find to be the most difficult part of being single on Valentine’s Day?
On Valentine’s Day, those feelings become more evident. Watching others paired up, celebrating love, can intensify the sense of loneliness. The flood of couple photos on social media can deepen your isolation, making you long for the surprises and appreciation you see, but don’t receive. The pressure of consumerism can also make you feel undesired, as if romance only matters when you have a partner. Even practicing self-love becomes difficult when the day seems to underscore everything you're missing. Creating something special for yourself can end in disappointment when it goes unnoticed or unreciprocated. The expectations—both personal and societal—can weigh you down, leaving you feeling like you're falling short. The sting of others' comments about your single status can linger far longer than they should.
3. How does being single on Valentine’s Day impact your self-perception or how you feel about yourself?
On Valentine’s Day, it’s easy to start questioning why you're still single. It’s tempting to internalize the belief that nobody wants you or the fear of always being a secondary option, never the first choice. You may wonder if you're too picky or not picky enough, struggling with the pain of feeling like you're on the outside looking in constantly. Managing your social media becomes an act of self-preservation as you try to avoid triggers, all while grappling with the pressure to meet expectations you haven’t fully defined for yourself. At the same time, you feel a level of shame for even having to manage social media and not look at what other people are doing.
In short, you're simply exhausted from being single. You're tired of feeling alone. And you'd probably feel a lot better if this day were over, so you could escape the constant reminder of your loneliness and the absence of romantic love.
This Valentine's Day, know that it’s okay to feel all these things. Not only is it okay to feel these feelings, but you need to feel them. Don't deny them and try to escape from them. I need you to face them bravely and courageously. Because the denial of these feelings only perpetuates the subconscious or internalized feeling that you might be feeling— not enough, too much, undesirable, or unlovable. There’s a lot I could say about how not everyone who celebrates Valentine’s Day, or who’s even in a relationship, is truly happy or in a healthy relationship. But I don’t want to focus on that, because the idea of what healthy love looks like is already something many people struggle to believe in (although it is truly out there and sometimes it’s hard to see through all the confusion and noise).
I want to shift the focus to you. This isn’t just about self-love or loving yourself, it’s about your immense capacity to love. I believe you will find the love you're seeking because you exist, and you have such a great ability to give love. You are love. And that’s part of why today feels hard—the deep well of love within you is calling for someone to receive it. It’s a beautiful gift, a rare and valuable one. When this love can’t be given, it might feel like a burden to hold onto, but it’s actually a blessing that you have the discernment to protect it and that you're not just giving it to anyone. Having someone doesn’t automatically mean they deserve your love. Not everyone deserves your love, and that’s okay. You’re not lacking love—you are overflowing with it, and you deserve to be celebrated for honoring and protecting your capacity to give it. You should be your own reminder on Valentine's Day that everything will be alright because you hold this capacity and ability to love. It's just a matter of time when that's reciprocated for you. Even if you don’t have someone to call your own today, I hope you find peace in knowing that your worth isn’t defined by a holiday or a relationship. Your value lies in who you are, not in your relationship status, and the right person will see and appreciate the love you carry. The right person is out there, seeking the love you have to offer.
I know no amount of words can take away all the difficulty you might be facing today, but I hope this feels like a small written hug for you. I just want to remind you once more: you are so worthy and deserving of love—and not just any love. You deserve that big, passionate love that matches the vast and beautiful capacity of love you carry. Don't lose hope in love, because your existence is proof that love exists and is waiting for you.